Recently in cook·ing Category

So I'm used to guy cooking. Guy cooking involves throwing a lot of stuff together and solving any sort of problem with chilli.

Baking is not so easy. So for example when the instructions say "turn onto a lightly floured surface, knead lightly and roll out", and you have no flour, and are dubious about what kneading entails, you can't really resolves this with chilli.

So I called in my handy friend who knows a lot more about cooking than me, Alien Grey. He also has a ray gun.

This is not going to be a typical cooking with Alien Grey, as it was just (trying) to follow some recipes I googled. So this will be more a journey through making sweet sweet pie with Alien Grey, rather than instructions on how to do it yourself. You should be able to follow the recipe as much as Alien Grey and I did.

The recipes we will be following today are, sweet potatoes pie (sweet) and cheese and onion pie (savoury). More or less.

[UPDATED] Dan's rating below (scroll down). Although he is wrong. The drink is awesome. The purpose of the drink is to be a non alcoholic refreshing drink, so I say he crit'ed it unfairly. Bah!

So it's summer, it's hot, and even though Alien Grey harks from a galaxy far far away (where both of his suns totally pwn our puny sun), he sometimes wants a refreshing summers drink. And you know how sometimes its so hot you don't really want an alcoholic drink, but something just purely refreshing. Alien Grey feels the same. But order a rock shandy in most villages in Britannia and you get half a pint of bitter with some lemonade. So Alien Grey has come to save you all with what is undoubtedly the most refreshing summers drink on the planet.

For today's recipe you'll need the following ingredients and stuff. Serves 2 people as a long drink

1. Ice. Lots of.
2. 1x Can of Lemonade, Sprite, or Sprite Zero (as used today)
3. 1x Can of Soda Water (½L bottle will do)
4. 1x Bottle of Angosture Bitters
5. 2x Long or pint glasses
6. 1x Plastic bag
7. 1x Hard surface

per pint
Calories: 14 Calories, 0g Protein, 0g Carbs, 0g Fat. (with Sprite zero/diet Sprite/Sprite light)
Alcohol: 0.5%.

Dan the Destructor Rating - 3/5

The great thing about this drink is that is tastes like soda...that's because it IS soda! There's no alcohol in this! It's like...half a percent! Nothing! You know how long it would take me to get apocalyptic on this shandy-lite? Too long! I would give it a higher rating if it had more of a kick to it. As it is, I need something stronger just to put up with you people. But it's refreshing, I'll give it that. But c'mon people, can anything beat an ice cold coke on a hot summer's day? Other than beer, I mean. And Pimms. But we're talking non-alcoholic, here. This drink confuses me. Is it alcohol, or not? It clearly wants to be, but it isn't. It's trying to straddle both sides of the fence, and in the process it is getting it's trousers caught on the barbed wire and it's falling, one leg on each side of the fence, directly onto a big picket, getting its balls crushed in the process. That reminds me, Adrian made me one with crushed ice and one with blocked ice. The crushed ice one tasted more watery, presumably because the crushed ice was melting faster. So drink it with rock ice, that's good stuff. Right, where was I? Oh yeah, the lack of alcohol in this drink. What is the target audience, here? You can't give it to kids, because it's a LITTLE alcoholic, but adults will hate it too, because they need sweet sweet alcohol in order to drown out the pain of being alive. I suppose if you were recovering from a four-day bender and you hadn't slept in three days because you're E'd up to your nanas and the mere smell of alcohol makes you want to...ugh...it's got a little bit of alcohol in it! Slpeurgh...get me a lemonade with ice, stat! But seriously, I had this drink once, at the pub next to Adrian's house, and I was hung over, and it was good. I'm hung over now, too, and it's still good. But as a drink to get you wasted, it's useless. And as a post-hang-over drink, it's also useless. The only niche it fills is the post-post-hangover, y'know, where like you just got through a hangover and you are a little fuzzy but still want a nice drink. And it is. Nice. But it really needs to sort out where it's priorities lie, and I don't think it has. Okay Adrian is telling me I've written enough. Make this drink and give it a go. What are you, scared?

Note to Americans (Happy 4th of July by the way), that chilli is a hot spice you put on things. It's normally used to give food a kick. It's quite nice as the body reacts to this by releasing endorphins and you get a natural buzz.

Chilli Con Carne, is a (sometimes highly) spiced dish made of red peppers, ground meat, and often beans.

Now sure it's ok to called Chilli Con Carne, Chilli for short, when it's obvious what you are talking about. When it's not obvious then please specify the Con Carne bit. Really.

For example, a "cheese & chili" burger, one would expect to be some melted cheese and some endophine kicking chillis. One would not expect Chilli Con Carne. It makes no sense to have Chilli Con Carne on a burger. Because what you basically are making is a topping that is the actual burger.

Lets see.
Burger Patti = Ground beef packed together.
Chilli Con Carne = Ground beef not packed together.

So a CCC Burger is esentially a topping that is just a broken up burger. IT MAKES NO SENSE. It's like ordering a pizza with a topping of garlic bread.

Sigh. Apolgies if this isn't actually an American thing, but I've only had this problem in American restaurants.

Alien Grey here. Today I have a tip for the single Alien. You know, and I know that some days, you just don't feel like cooking. Or you don't quite know what to cook. Or it all seems like a big effort. Or you're going to cook, but it's looking a bit bland.

Well the answer my friend is "Pasta Sauce"

For today's recipe you'll need the following ingredients. Serves 2-3 people without noodles or Dan. Also you'll need a big wok.

1. 200g-250g Shelled King Prawns (cooked or uncooked, all Alien Grey could find was cooked
2. 1x Large Onion
3. 2x Capsicum Peppers
4. 5x Mushrooms (White button)
5. 3x Large Spring Onions (or more smaller ones)
6. 1x Handful of Baby Carrots
7. 1x Handful of Baby Corn
8. 1x Handful of Mange Tout
9. ½x Bag of Bean Sprouts
10. 1x Tin of Bamboo Shoots
11. 2x Jar of Sainsbury's Chow Mein Sauce
12. 1x Bunch of Fresh Coriander
13. 1x Clove Garlic
14. Salt, Pepper, Soya Sauce, Dried Basil
15. Chilli Sauce of your preferance. (Optional)

per 100g
Prawns: 70 Calories,15g Protein, 0.1g Carbs, 0.9g Fat.
Chow Mein Sauce: 69 Calories, 0.4g Protein, 12g Carbs, 1.9g Fat.
Vegetables: Who cares they are healthy.

Any of the vegetables can be substituted for another vegetable of your choice. The prawns can be substituted for lean beef or chicken (or turkey) but won't be as low in fat or calories as the prawns.

Add or reduce quantities to meet serving size. Serving with noodles will double the serving size (as well as increasing the amount of carbs)

Dan the Destructor Rating - 3/5
A standard yet delicious stir fry noodle with slightly too much chilli. Heaven on the way in, hell on the way out.