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The Metro: Fears that new Google software will spy on workers

Google has been accused of putting a spy in everyone's pocket by launching software which maps the location of mobile phone users anywhere in the world

We're going to make up facts and deliberately mislead you because that way it makes an existing front page story instead of a dull tech middle of the paper story.

The internet giant is marketing its Latitude download, which is released today, as a way for friends to keep in touch or for anxious parents to keep tabs on their children.

Why wont anyone think of the kids? We tried to put in the pedophiliac angle as it's way scary even if Google doesn't mention kids anywhere on the Latitude Site

But critics fear it will evolve into a spying tool for employers who want to track their staff or suspicious partners who want to check up on their other halves.

The same critics also believe that "someone is watching them", and have a picture of a someone else on their Facebook page, and question the whole "man on the moon thing"

Simon Davies, director of human rights group Privacy International, said: 'Many people will see this as a cool technology but the reality is it will be a privacy minefield.'

"We still use fax machines here" he says, because "anything cool is really Satan's tool".

Also doesn't "privacy minefield" sound really scary.

Latitude will be available in 27 countries and will work on most mobile phones and Blackberries, although not iPhones.

I have not actually read the Latitude website properly.

Users will have to sign up to the service and they can agree to give contacts their precise location, their city or no details.

Only the most recent location is given and none of the information is stored, Google says.

I know this contradicts all my warnings about how this will destroy your life, but watch how easily I can ignore the reality to scare you.

But Mr Davies said most people would join the network only through peer pressure.

I have no friends.

Anyone who left their phone in a bar could be 'covertly opted in', he claimed.

Like that one time, I was 'covertly opted in' to 15 beers and kissed a girl and someone told my wife. That was bad.

'I would be concerned about any integrated use across Google services as their security is so poor and it's becoming the world most pervasive system,' said Mr Davies.

If I give no facts about how their security is 'so poor' I bet everyone will believe me and shake in their shoes.

I love the words "pervasive system" it makes it sound like a bad guy in a James Bond film. And we know those guys are evil.

Google has a moustache and a white cat too.

Unions said they would 'strongly oppose' any attempt to use the system as a way to track workers.

I forgot to explain what "opt-in" means to the unions.

I know google will force them to sign up, download and install this software. They are evil remember.

A spokesman for data watchdog, the information commissioner, said: 'Customers opting into the service should be made aware of how their information will be used. We will be monitoring the system closely.'

We like people to take no personal responsibility for reading about what a service does. We'll protect people from them selves you can trust us.

Also we're sorry we forgot to tell you that Yahoo! launched the same service called FireEagle ages ago but they are falling apart and no one cares. Much easier to scare people with Google.

Also Fire Eagle doesn't make sense to us. And we've never hear of Ze Frank.

But Google .. yes google is subverting your will. They control your mind.

[beep]

We interrupt this broadcast to welcome our new robot overlords.