I hate cats. I mean I really fucking hat them. Cat people just can’t comprehend just how much people like me hate cats.
I see cats not far small demons that have cast a spell on those around them. The more people think cats are cute the more it pains me. It’s like that couple that think their kid is cute, when he is running around pissing on everything and making a noise. And you wonder why they can’t see that their child is demon spawn. Well cats for me like that. Except with tear gas.
And the anthropomorphising of cats? It drives me up the wall. It’s a fucking animal. Arrgh. Stop it just stop it please for the love of heck stop it. It doesn’t think, it doesn’t have a voice and it sure as hell isn’t a fucking Disney movie.
Anyway, I suppose I slightly over react to cats, but over the years this has built up and a built up. I tried to describe why in my Ode to Cats but no one really got it. Let me try explain.
I get home Saturday. Tried. A little drunk. But really tired. It’s about 1:30 in the morning.
I come into my flat, walk into my bedroom. turn on the light. And sitting on the middle of my bed is a pussy.
I mean a fucking cunting cat.
It looks at me. I look at it. I growl. Seriously, the back of my throat makes a kind of growling noise.
It stands up on my bed. It bares it’s fangs at me. On MY bed. I bare my fangs at it. I’m not joking, I open my mouth and bare my teeth at it. This might look slightly crazy but it gets worse.
It arches it’s back at me, I hiss at it, and raise my arms in the air, and charge it. It leaps out onto the balcony stares at me and then runs off into the night.
Fucking cats. If I hate anthropomorphising them, this scene was a bit anthropozoöpic.
I felt violated. I mean this is my bedroom, my inner sanctum, the place that is mine. And a fucking cat invaded it. I felt like depressed. I would have handled it better had someone broken in and taken a big dump on my bed.
Anyway the reason I reacted like this and felt like this is because of what happened next.
I considered changing the sheets, and I should have. But I was exhausted. I should have at least vacuumed it, but I looked at the sheet and couldn’t see anything. And I was really tired.
I get into bed.
- Min 1 - Scratch my nose
- Min 3 - Cough
- Min 4 - Skin feels tingely
- Min 5 - Feel my throat start to itch
- Min 8 - Eyes start to itch. Try not scratch them, fail.
- Min 10 - Start to blow my nose
- Min 12 - Eyes start watering
- Min 15 - Start scratching most of my body
- Min 20 - Breathing now wheezy and unpleasant
- Min 25 - Continually blowing my nose
- Min 30 - Eyes streaming
- Min 30 to 8am - Toss and turn, and sleep fitfully and badly. Feel like I’ve got a 20 stone brick on my chest the whole night.
- 8am - Wake up, breathe in. It hurts.
At this point I’m actually depressed. I mean really depressed. My day has been ruined, I can’t go to the gym, because I can’t breathe, my whole body itches like I’ve got fleas, my nose is running, my eyes hurt, and I’m mentally and physically drained. I wash the sheets twice. I shower four times. I spend the rest of the day on the sofa feeling sorry for myself.
By the time I go out later that day, I can breathe but it’s still a bit short, I’ve stopped scratching but it’s still a bit tingly.
Now, two days later, I’m still feeling the effects. Not as badly but I’m still itchy and my throat is still scratchy.
Part of it is psychological I get that. The physical affect gets me mentally. I do feel the violation of my bedroom, as a place of pure sevitz now tainted and ruined.
The other bit is physical. I want to scrub my skin off with a wire brush.
God, I hate fucking cats, so much.
1. Danzor
If there’s no God, why was my prayer answered so precisely?
2. diamond geezer
I had to read that last sentence twice. But I totally agree.
3. Lyle
re your last sentence : Well, don’t fuck ‘em then.
Oh, and it’s “breathe” not “breath”.
Besides, if you could see/feel the reaction within five minutes, why didn’t you just go and sleep on the sofa (or spare bed, I don’t fucking know) before cleaning it all out in the morning?
4. Adrian
I thought about it, but then I would have to have got the sleeping bag out from under the bed, and my sofa is 3 inches shorter than me. So also doesn’t make for a easy nights sleep.
And partly it was stubbornness, as this is my bedroom, I’m not going to give it up for a fucking cat. Maybe stupidity more than stubbornness.
5. Chris @ TameBay
Oh dear Sevitz, you do know that cats are naturally drawn to people that don’t like them don’t you? You’re doomed for life :o
Grow to love and adore them and they’ll never bother you again :-)
6. Pete
Ah, so I see you met Sergeant Tiddles. He is a highly-decorated member of my feline elite. I’m glad to see that he carried out his orders with such efficiency.
7. Marc
You sound just like my cat when he gets out of bed on the wrong side.
8. Adrian
Grrrrrr.
9. Matt
“Part of it is psychological I get that. The physical affect gets me mentally.”
And this is what your entire hatred of cats is based around, an incident in your childhood where you picked up a cat and get an allergic reaction, and all subsequent reactions since. A psychological response to a physical reaction.
Just so you know, you shouldn’t be blaming the cats. Blame your parents. If they’d had a cat when you were a baby or a toddler you very probably wouldn’t be allergic to them now, as most allergies are acquired disorders, developing after birth.
If you had no allergies to cats you wouldn’t hate them. Same way as if you didn’t have hay-fever you wouldn’t dread the summer so much, and would learn to enjoy the smell of fresh-cut grass without erupting into a fit of sneezing.
It’s also your fault the cat got on your bed, as you clearly left the balcony door open again. You say “I’m on the 6th floor, who’s going to get in if I leave the door open?”, to which I reply “a cat”.
(Oh, and well done Sergeant Tiddles. General Twinkle will be very pleased)
10. Adrian
This has nothing to do with my childhood.
This is to do with over the years feeling miserable around cats and years and years of the kind of affect described above. I never used to hate cats so viscerally, it’s taken years to build up to this level of hatred.
I also resent cats since some people seem to like them, and treat them more importantly than humans. Or me. Fuck it, I’m more important than cats.
And having my parents own cats is bullshit. My whole family is allergic. I’m certainly not going to own a cat if I have kids. It’s a ludicrous argument.
And it’s my flat, I should be perfectly entitled to leave a door open without being invaded.
And if it happens again, the neighbour and I are going to have words. I don’t want his cat near my balcony let alone my bedroom, but right now, I’m trying to be calm about it.
11. Pete
“And it’s my flat, I should be perfectly entitled to leave a door open without being invaded.”
HAGHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA. I’m trying to think of a suitable analogy, but I can’t, because your original statement is so incredibly absurd that nothing else comes close.
“And if it happens again, the neighbour and I are going to have words. I don’t want his cat near my balcony let alone my bedroom, but right now, I’m trying to be calm about it.”
Once again, HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA. What exactly do you think that your neighbour is going to do about this? Give his cat a stern talking to? I’d really like to be a fly on the wall during this confrontation. I believe that your neighbour’s words will be something along the lines of HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA.
12. Brother Jon
It’s not because there were no cats in the family. We always had dogs around, but was still a bit allergic (although not as much with the family dogs).
My hatred of cats does not go as far as writing odes about them (although they do have a tendency to get in the way of my car), but I do see the evil in them lurking beneath their exterior coat.
13. Adrian
@Pete (11)
By rights he needs a license to have a cat on the premises, and that license extends to his flat only. If he can’t keep his cat on his premises then that license can be revoked. Sure it’s cruel to have a cat locked in a flat, to which I say “Don’t get a cat”.
I’d also say the same thing to people who have dogs in flats.
I’m quite ok with the girl with the ferret who lives in my complex.
14. Pete
I’d be interested to hear more about this “cat license”.
15. Adrian
We’re a complex of 560 flats or what not.
To lie there you need to sign up to the articles of the complex (or whatever they are called). Some say things like no bicycles and washing on the balconies. Others say that to have a pet you need to apply to the management agents for permission (a license) and that if it’s granted you will follow certain rules (like not letting it crap on the boulevard)
16. Matt
If I can’t blame your parents for your allergies, I’ll have to blame their parents. If your allergy wasn’t caused by non-exposure or environmental reasons, it’s genetic, which means it’s your granny’s fault. Either way, it’s not the cat’s fault that your allergic to it. It’s not your fault either, I’ll admit.
Do you think you would have the same reaction to cats if you weren’t allergic though? I doubt it. I also doubt you would feel the same way about a hypo-allergenic cat.
Also, someday you may be able to once again visit your cat-owning friends (like me for instance) when they perfect Synthetic Epitope Vaccine, and you won’t have that reaction anymore.
You’ll probably still hate them though, even if they don’t make you sneeze. That type of ingrained hatred is hard to recover from.
You need to change the title of this post though. It’s not a cat post, it’s an ANTI-cat post.
17. Adrian
I would still have the same reaction if I suddenly become allergy free.
I probably wouldn’t have the same reaction if I had always been allergy free.
I dislike it when people anthropomorphise dogs too.
I resent having to take drugs to be able to visit friends, and when friends get a cat I feel like it’s giving me the finger. Insane and myopic of course, but then I now hate cats that much.
18. Matt
“I probably wouldn’t have the same reaction if I had always been allergy free”
That’s what I mean.
“I resent having to take drugs to be able to visit friends”
Would you resent having no friends because you didn’t take the drugs? Your friends who’ve recently gotten cats didn’t do it for any other reason than they simply like cats, and wanted a cat. When myself and Nikki got George we actually did think about you and that you probably (definitely) wouldn’t stay with us any more when you visited. But you’ve only been over a couple or three times in the past few years. If you visited us more we may have thought about it more.
And besides, soon George will be mostly an outdoor cat and won’t have free reign over the whole house like he does now. We’ll fumigate the spare room with anti-histamine before you come. And we might even change the sheets for you.
19. Gert
You have my complete support and sympathy. I don’t have allergies but I do have an aversion to poo. We have neighbours with cats and these cats roam the neighbourhood and poo in our garden. If we had kids, we wouldn’t let them poo in our neighbours’ garden. And I only discovered this year, from three totally different sources, that people with dogs usually have loads of dog poo on their lawns. Which is utterly disgusting
20. Matt
I think most people, with the exception of the odd shit-fetishist, have an aversion to poo. If this is the case, and you want a pet, get a male one. Male dogs and cats will shit almost exclusively on the edges of their territory (ie: “not in your garden, but in the hedge/boundary of your neighbour’s garden”), whereas female cats and dogs will tend to shit wherever they happen to be standing at the time, the dirty fucking bitches.
21. Adrian
Or get a plant.
22. Matt
Through extensive study, I have found houseplants far less affectionate than pets, and their “fetching” skills also leave a lot to be desired.
They do tend to shit and piss a lot less than pets though, so you may have a point…
23. Imelda
I could live without cats on this planet. They’re just a bunch of lazy ass fur balls that make me sneeze and itch like a mother.
I can’t stay at certain friends houses because they’re cat owners. Sucks ass.
24. Marl
I dont think its really clear - are you saying you dont like cats then?
25. Abi
I’m not a big cat fan, and if I’d walked into my bedroom to find a cat in the middle of the bed, I would have completely freaked out. Totally.
My nightmares consist of being chased by cats who are scratching at my ankles and that incident would have be far too close to my nightmarish visions for comfort.
I totally sympathise.
26. Saltation
guess it’s off to peru for YOU then, eh?
hurhur
27. Rachel
While I’m on a roll I thought I’d respond to this post too. I too suffer from a cat allergy but I see it as my problem rather than that of the cat owner. If I’m visiting friends with cats I take anti-histamine while I’m there and for a few days afterwards. And if I came in to find a cat on my bed I’d take an anti-histamine straight away and spend the 15 minutes it takes to change the bedding rather than suffer all night and still be ranting about it a few days later.
Possibly because of my attitude, I find that cat owners are very sympathetic to my allergy and do their best to keep their cats away from me.
28. Adrian
@Rachel (27)
RE: The cat in my flat. I had no anti-histamines to hand, I stupidly thought it wouldn’t be that bad, and I was drunk and tired and changes sheets looked like an effort. I should have changed them. I still would have been annoyed at having to change my sheets at 2am.
RE: Visiting friends, this is fine when it’s a planned visit to a know catlover. Not always the case. And in any respect the antihistamine has limited effect on me and barely works. I also find catophiles whilst might be sympathetic don’t really realise how badly cats effect me, and their “best to keep their cats away from me” is barely that. Telling me 3 hours later “oh by the way that’s the cat’s favourite chair” doesn’t help much either.
29. Rachel
Fer says he knew you would have an extra strong allergy that can’t be treated with anti-histamine! But isn’t there a homeopathic remedy that works ;)