I understand to a certain extent. I was born and raised in the Catholic tradition and a lot of that is very hard to let go of. I still don’t like hearing people have a go at Catholics because invariably they don’t understand the beliefs behind it. Also, a lot of my family are still practising Catholics.

On the other hand, I don’t go to church. My son has been christened but that was his mother’s decision. I got married in a church but again, not my decision. (Although it felt hypocritical standing in the church saying “I believe in God blah blah blah” but then I thought “Well, does it matter if I lie to a deity I don’t believe in?”)

Generally, though, I don’t class myself as a Catholic anymore.

However, like the thousands if not millions of other atheists out there, I’m still going to be celebrating christmas. I just won’t be going to midnight mass.

On the other hand, there are far less traditions and beliefs being a Catholic in comparison to being Jewish. I suppose the question you have to answer is “How much of being Jewish is actually about believing in God?”

But hang on, Christmas for non-Christians is not much about God. Christmas for Christians is VERY much about God. I’d argue that being a Jew has far more about it that is about non-religious things than being a Christian has. It’s about being from a certain race as well as being from a certain religion - almost uniquely. I have friends who, while British, have Indian heritage and are Hindu. You, while British, have Jewish heritage and are of the Jewish religion - maybe it just makes it harder for you to feel ok about having one while not still being of the other.

But even if that wasn’t true, I know what you mean. I was about to write a post about it, but I don’t think I can explain it any better than I have here.

Hmm, I have had this issue recently, but not with religion.

Religion for me is something personal and does not need to involve ‘church’ and the church I belong to hardly exists in this country so I just go to various religious services of various religions and take various things from them. I can give up things for lent or fast at the time that other religions do - why feel tied? That I was born to a church and that it was part of my upbringing has moulded me, of course, but I doubt I believe the same as my parents.

However, and perhaps more relevant to your fasting issue, I have had to explain to people why I am vegetarian. The reasons that made me BECOME a vegetarian, well, I don’t know if they exist to the same extent. The radical young person that I was might be shocked at my lack of passion, but perhaps pleased that she is still having an effect.

But I think that the reason that I am a vegetarian is that it is part of what I am. Or at least, part of what I would like to be, or wanted to be. Being vegetarian keeps a link with my younger self, and makes me question what I eat, and makes me question why I do it. I think it makes me question things more than anything else I know.

This uncertainty, along with a link with the past and with this long time of doing this, means it is now part of what I am. Yes, I could perhaps stop being vegetarian today, I don’t think the arguments for it would convince me to become vegetarian if I wasn’t already, but it is part of what I am and, illogical and indefensible as it is, I am happy this way and really, why do I need to justify it to anyone? It makes me think, and that’s good.

I know of Jewish people in places where they are able to ‘be’ Jewish in a community, i.e. New York, Israel, who are not particularly religious, who will only attend synagogue when they are NOT in those places because they lose the sense of what they are. Or away from the religious aspect, just look at the (true) saying ‘there’s none more Scots than the Scots abroad’.

Questioning why you are doing the fasting might possibly make you a better person than the religious person who fasts and does not question. If it is part of what you WERE then what is wrong with keeping the connection?

How about a metaphor? It’s like a music collection : you might have music that you no longer listen to, that might possibly need explanation if the Ãœbercool come calling, but which you liked when younger and as such can quite happily stay in the collection - it’s part of my past and if I play once a year it evokes feelings and memories and reminds me of things I had forgotten. I shall play it if I so please. You can laugh or ask for justification, that is fine. I can keep it or chuck it, that is also fine. Insofar as I have made the decision to keep it and wish listen to it now and again, who can complain?

Sorry about the length.

You’re a good person and a friend to many, is something I think you need to keep in mind when wrestling with your identity- above all else, you are that, and that supercedes, to me, things like race and religious belief. I know Christians who are complete bastards -and also know some very fine Christians. Likewise atheists. All my Jewish friends are tops but I’m sure you’ve met some bad ones in your time. So keep that in mind while you struggle.

You are Jewish. Even if you let go the beliefs and the traditions (and I can’t and won’t advise you to go either way), you will always have those 32 years behind you, informing who you are and what you do. I don’t practise Catholicism anymore, but I can still recognize that a big part of who I am was formed by being raised a Catholic, and continues to influence me. And everyone, atheists included, has some sort of inner spiritual life as they contemplate the universe and their place in it. As someone once said to me, even if church is just a quiet place to go and sit for an hour a week to think about that, that’s not neccesarily a bad thing- it’s still true when you don’t believe.

I still go to midnight mass on Christmas. I don’t see anything wrong with that- to me, that is Christmas as much as trees and present and carols. They’re all traditions as well. It’s fine to do things that give you comfort, even if you’re not sure why you do them- I would say the majority of human recreation is doing things for reasons we’re not really sure of. As long as you’re not hurting anyone else, and giving yourself time to think about it, why not? I’m not advocating you stick with your traditions when you don’t believe, I’m just saying that if you do, you can rest easy that there are plenty of people who are doing the same thing- follow tradition without really knowing why. That may be the very definition of tradition.

Final thought: I assume that if you die/wed, you will have a Jewish funeral/wedding. As you know, the last funeral I went to was a Jewish funeral, for a really good man who was entirely nonpractising. I think tradition gave a structure and meaning to everyone there for a time that seemed otherwise artibtrary and, well, bloody meaningless. There’s some value in that.

As a fellow Jew, who pretty much does what you do, I have a question. Would you marry a non-jew?

A bit belated but here is my feeling on this:

The real question that came out of this debate for me was the “How much of being Jewish is actually about believing in God?�

Your answer (the short one) is quite a lot really. However my answer (as someone who feels at home with being Jewish and feels I can identify with ‘my people’) is almost none at all.

Judism for me is about family and whilst I have chosen not to participate in most of the traditions that are there (IMHO) to nurture families, I still feel aligned with it.

It is not about what I do but what you feel that makes me jewish, otherwise you’ll end up in this eternal quest with no answer because as I could point out…you weren’t supposed to be using a computer during Yom Kippur.

Signed. Still Chosen