The fallback option. Couples always have the fallback option. Singles don't.
This is also why a vague plan with a couple is half as solid as a vague plan with single.
See you can make plans along the lines of "We should do something Friday night; Yeah we should; Cool". Now you get to Friday night and if you're tired, had a hard week (as we all do) the responses vary.
Singles go, "Well I know it's been a tough week, and I'd actually like to call it quites and just go chill, but, well, it is a Friday night and sitting at home by yourself is a bit lame, so I'll find the energy"
Couples go, "I'm a bit tired lets go home and chill together".
Couples always have the option of falling back on one another. It's really annoying. In the I'm probably quite jealous kind of way.
It also makes having anything but solid plans quite dubious, and also means it's much harder to pin people down to solid plans
And before we start on this (as we did in reason 38, yes I know not all couples and singles are like this and I know it's probably more jealously than hatred.
But that doesn't make it any less fustrating when you get to a point in your life (lets call it 32) when the balance of your friends are not single and you start getting multiple fallback options been taken, and you land up going through your phone list all but begging someone to go out with you.
It's not that there is anything wrong with couples either. But your behavior does change when you are a couple because your incentives change (cf. freakanomics, general economics) and this is mainly an observation of that.
1. Nigel
Sevitz,
I think what you’re really saying is that life is better if you’re in a couple.
So rather than whining on your blog about it, find yourself a nice girl (or guy/ sheep) and revel in the additional options that being in a couple gives you.
See you later this week. No partners.
Nigel
2. Dragon
There’s this book that I read to my son called The Monkey’s Tail. Essentially, it’s about a monkey who complains to his mate, Tony Toucan, about how boring he is and how life would be better if he was a Giraffe or a Zebra. Our Tony points out all the advantages he has over Giraffes and Zebras and how great it is to be a monkey.
There are upsides to being in a couple. There are also upsides to being single. If you’re single, you can come up with any sort of excuse to not go out and not worry if you don’t feel up for it. You can change plans at the last minute, you can accept plans at the last minute, you can do stuff that you want to do and that you can do stuff you enjoy. One of the downsides to being in a couple is having to do stuff you don’t want to do - getting home from work after a long week and wanting to do nothing except chill in front of a TV but realising you have to keep a committment to have dinner with some of your partners friends - the ones you have nothing in common with and don’t particularly like. You know you can’t get shitfaced because they don’t drink a lot; you can’t tell rude jokes because they’re very prim and proper and you won’t be eating meat because they’re vegetarians.
Single people don’t have to suffer this. Be grateful.
3. tucola
“I think what you’re really saying is that life is better if you’re in a couple”
… whereas Dragon is saying that life is better if you’re a monkey.
I suspect the truth lies somewhere in between.
4. Matt
I think the title of this “ongoing series” shouldn’t be “Reasons I hate couples”, but more like “Reasons I want to be in a couple”.
5. Adrian
Not true. I would be as frustrated making plans with couples and having them do a fall back.
6. Matt
Yeah, but it would be you doing the falling back and reneging on plans, so you probably wouldn’t give a fuck, as you’d be sitting at home watching Jonathan Ross with your missus.
7. Adrian
Probably still not. I like going out, and I’m not big on reneging on plans in the same way I’m not big on being late.
8. Matt
Ah-ha, but you’re not part of a couple, so you don’t have any excuse for being late or reneging on plans.
Are we going around in circles?
I like going out too, but if herself doesn’t feel like going out, I might not either. And vice versa. Although probably less so with herself.
Either way, your next post, if you haven’t already written it, should be:
“Reasons I hate couples, number 29 (part of an ongoing series) - I’m not in one”.
I’ll bet it will be a good one.
9. Adrian
No circles. You’re (seemingly purposely) misinterpreting me.
My behaviour didn’t change when I was dating J. In fact that may have been a contributor, not paying enough attention to J over my friends, but that’s not a debate for here.
Secondly this is not about me not being in a couple, whatever you may think. It’s about getting to a point where the sheer overwhelming majority of my friends are, far more so than any other point in my life. As a result certain behaviours that pretty much always existed but where less noticed are far more apparent.
Behaviours that impact my social life, and hence at times frustrate me.
10. Tot
According to your analysis, couples seem to exhibit trends toward:
1) being late because they are now dependent on each other for their arrival and they choose not to inconvenience themselves by building in more “waiting-around” time to compensate.
2) they prefer more flexible social arrangements.
Remember also that in your scenarios there are actually three individual people involved, not just two entities that you seem to imply (“the couple” + you). Therefore, it would seem fairer that the solution that inconveniences only 1 of the 3 people involved would be more equitable??
Given your circumstances it seems like you are a minority who might need to adapt??
Anyway, your troubles are just started. Wait till your couple friends start becoming PARENTS.
11. Adrian
Actually some couples have started having kids. But I’m more accepting around kid organisational issues. Although we are starting to run into social issues of what singles look for in a venue and what couples look for and what couples with kids look for is a big delta.
So it’s fair I might need to adapt. And I see your point. However the impact to me (is at least perceived) to be greater. Just because I am the minority party doesn’t mean I’m wrong.
12. Dragon
Charles Darwin.
13. Will
In this instance, same applies to living alone vs having flat mates. Make plans to meet mates.. they blow you out for whatever reason. With flat mates, you just go home and chill…with no flat mates, you go home and weep quietly alone. :)
14. Adrian
Dragon, I get your point, but it’s a bit of a non comparison.
I am not a species, and I that doesn’t take age into account. I have changed a lot as I have got older even if on specific items I may not be open to change.
Not to mention as I’ve continually said, peoples habits is about the habit and not about my ability to be flexible.
15. T-man
Yeah, I hate couples unless I’m part of one. It really kills me to see my ex-girlfriend’s MySpace profile with her new piece of shit on two legs boyfriend. I want to make a dartboard with his face on it. He took away the best chick I’ve ever had.