You know, girls are so fickle. As proof I present, going head to head, Aragorn vs. Tom Stall.
One is a king (or will be, or was, or was ordained to be), good at killing with a sword, the other a nice family man†, good at killing with a gun.
Let's look at two exhibits, and their resultant effect on the female populace.
Women around the country swooning in the aisles at the premier launch. Hospitalisation and oxygen needed for many. Girls (including those I have dated) who have told me facially hair is terrible, suddenly buying the extended DVD and pausing it a lot. I'm not entirely unsure that the name 'Aragorn' wasn't cried out instead of 'Adrian' on one occasion. The mere mention of the sequel resulted in moist underwear and girls who don't smoke needing a cigarette after the extended DVD boxed set was watched. Men universally hate Aragorn, and wait till he gets poked with a sword. Sadly he lives and becomes king. Ponce.
Where's all the swooning now? Where's all the "I love you you hunk of beefcake with a nice shiny naked sword" written on the movie posters? No where, I tell you know where. Ask a girl who the main character in A histroy of Violence was in LotRs and they don't know. Suddenly we're not Mr Swoon Man. (Although disappointing you still get more sex‡ in the movie than I've had since your last movie)
See. Fickle. So. Very. Fickle. How are us poor men (and I don't include Viggo-I-Snogged-Liv-Tyler-Mortensen in that) mean to cope.
FICKLE. QED!
† - I could say more, but I'll spoil the movie.
‡ - And it's kinky interesting sex to boot. I mean a cheerleaders outfit (his wife, not him). Sigh.
1. Nuge
Maybe you just need to dress in a cheerleaders outfit?
2. S
I unfortunately can remember his name in LotR but I always forget his name in GI Jane.
3. Damo
I get the abuse from my better half whenever I allow my facial hair to grow beyond 5 o’clock shadow length. I don’t think i’d look good in a cheerleaders outfit though (good film though).
4. Green Fairy
It’s not kinky unless he’s the cheerleader. And then, hello!
5. Adrian
Sigh. I think you lot deliberately ignore the point I was making to wind me up.
And do you really want to see him in a cheerleaders outfit. So wrong. I would want my money back from the box office.
6. Lori
OK, just so you don’t feel like everyone’s ignoring your point… it’s not difficult to work out. Any straight woman (or gay man, probably), looking at those two photos will tell you that Viggo looks great with long hair and facial fuzz, but pretty ordinary without. The character traits of Aragorn are pretty foxy too. The same contrast happens with Harrison Ford as Han Solo/Indiana Jones (yum), or Dr Richard Kimble (no thanks).
7. annie
You sir, are disingenuous - I bet you didn’t fancy Charlize Theron in Monster
8. Adrian
Haven’t seen Monster. But point taken.
I’ve got some counter arguments but none of them are all that convincing.
Still. Fickle!
9. Gordon
Women like a bit of rough.
The rough-hewn, real MAN (shall we do the caveman thing? yes, let’s - the provider of food and warmth) will always win over the more modern capable man (not as likely to kill a meat-a-saurus as he is to talk to it and share his emotions).
Simple.
10. QE
Agreed, although if modern man is wont to try and share his emotions with a meat-a-saurus, it’s probably just as well you don’t find so many around these days.
Having said that, there are a number of women out there (not saying how large a number, just in case someone tries to prove me wrong) that want both, or worse still veer irregularly back and forth between the two with no rationale that can be discerned by the external observer.
So maybe I’m with Adrian on this. Or playing Devil’s Advocate, or just looking for trouble, or something. Sometimes even I can’t tell…
11. Coop
Correct me if im wrong, but the way to win over more women than you can shake a stick at is to:
Hmmmmm…..
12. Sevitz's Stalker
It’s not fickle at all. They are not swooning over Mr Mortensen, they’re swooing over Aragorn. And it’s worth pointing out that they swooned less after he actually became king and grew a proper beard.
Let’s face it, he couldn’t even draw in the crowds to see Hidalgo.
And I don’t think that the comparison with Charlize Theron in Monster is fair - she was covered in prosthetics at the time. But I will grant you that if she grew a healthy amount of facial hair, I’d probably not consider her so attractive.
13. Jayne
How about Cameron Diaz in ‘Being John Malkovich’ (she was a right minger)…don’t know that I’d rather have a caveman than a capable man, but maybe that’s just me.