It's about this point the night started going wrong, to the point I had to piece together the finer details from my text message (a few half written draft I'm still trying to figure out what I was trying to say).
- me
- [to the door
womanbitch at Jewel] Hi, we'd like to come in. - doorbitch
- Sorry you're shoes aren't smart enough.
- me
- You're kidding me right?
- doorbitch
- No, those shoes aren't smart enough.
- me
- Oh come on, these are £60 Campers. They're very fucking trendy.
- doorbitch
- They don't go with leather trousers.
- me
- Oh so now you are the fashion police.
- doorbitch
- Hey it's not my problem if you don't know how to dress.
- me
- I dress just fine, it's just you keep changing the rules about what's fashionable. I'm a bloke how the fuck am I mean to keep knowing what the fuck I'm meant to be wearing just so I can buy a drink.
- doorbitch
- It's best you be off now.
- me
- [walks away muttering about how I look just find and don't need some doorbitch telling me my trendy shoes don't go with my trouser and how I earn plenty more than she does and she can just fuck off]
I'd also like to apologise to the 1:45am night bus home, particularly those sitting near me. I didn't exactly distinguish myself‡. I blame the 2 gin & tonics (and not the 4 cocktails, 5 double whiskeys or the half bottle of Corona)
‡ - And no I didn't throw up.
[UPDATE - 14/10/05] - Someone who thinks leathers are a mistake. He's wrong, so very wrong. (Via Dan)
1. Chris
I once got refused entry to a Wetherspoons for wearing trainers. I was gobsmacked, but not so gobsmacked that I couldn’t walk down the road to a much nicer, much more fashionable bar that didn’t even blink when I walked in wearing my oh-so-untrendy trainers.
2. Gordon
Sorry Adrian. No excuse at all.
3. Damo
Doorpersons (or Doormorons as they should be known)tend to act like the thought/fashion police most of the time - bizarrely enough though, I went clubbing in deepest Cambs the other week and they let my clearly hammered friend in, who was wearing shorts.
4. Adrian
Actually in USA they’ll let you in, in shorts (but not always in sandals (go figure)).
However they still find something wrong with your clothes if you are two blokes.
5. Alan
I used to be forever being turned away from late bars in Dublin by the doormen for being too drunk, even when I’d hardly drunk anything, when my friends who were often drunker would waltz in. Then one day one of my mates who worked in a bar explained it to me. “You should keep quiet as you approach the pub, the doormen don’t like your sort.” “Loud?” I asked. “English” was the reply.
6. Lisa
But did your shoes match your handbag? ‘Cos if not, I would have sent you away too.
7. grumpyoldman
Are leather trousers back in fashion. Living in the sticks this sort of information takes awhile to perculate down.
Would suede shoes be fashionable I wonder?
Thankfully country pubs don’t seem to have door persons.
8. zed
leather trousers ?? oh my. i need to meet you.
9. Matthew
Yeah I reckon it was the leather trousers rather than anything else that did it. I wouldn’t have let you in for sure, if it was me! Leather trousers are a bit ‘Blue Oyster’, I think. All you need is a leather waistcoat, cap and shades and it’s all gone horribly wrong.
10. Adrian
Hey my leather trousers are cool. But then apparently I know shit all about fashion.
11. matthew
My point exactly. But I probably know even less than you so who am I to talk? All I know is I don’t have a pair of leather trousers. So I must know something. The only guys I know who have leather trews (apart from you my friend) are: *Gay (NOT camp, but gay) *Between 45 and 55 years old, and/or *In the middle of a mid-life crisis *Bikers So you’ve no excuse. Unless you want to come out or something. Or buy a Harley.
12. Chris
It’s not so much his leather trousers that are the problem, it’s the fact that they’re those ones with a giant hole where the bit that covers your ass is supposed to be.
Allegedly.
13. Adrian
Lies, all lies.
14. Francesca
They didn’t let you in Jewel ? It is not a place you want to frequent anyway ;)
15. Extreme Boarder
All the more reason why you need to join a private members club. I didn’t even notice you were wearing leather trousers??????????? Just buy all your clothes from Reiss and then you’ll always be in fashion
16. Adrian
Fran, it was close to where we were standing.
Extreme, I don’t think a private members club solves the problem as they still have door people. The point is that I shouldn’t not be allowed into normal clubs for bullshit craphole reasons. If girls thing I look silly in leather trousers and I never date again, so be it, but don’t stop me getting into t a stupid little ‘tendy’ bar with that bullshit.
17. Coop
Yeah - my mate got refused entry to a club once for wearing trainers, and he was too far away from home. The answer was that we swapped trainers for shoes, and I wore my black socks over the white trainers and went in sockless.
Worked a treat past bouncers in Time in Swansea.
Oh adrian - you were lucky it was a woman bouncer that you talked back to, most bouncers I’ve met take shit from no one. Was she fit btw?
18. Adrian
Smart move. I’m surpised it worked though.
I think I annoyed her, but not to the point she was going to have the bloke bouncer punch me. She wasn’t minging, but I wouldn’t exactly have walked over hot coals to buy her a drink.