There is a Calvin & Hobbes where Calvin and Suzie are getting test results back. Suzie gets an A or something and exclaims happiness with the result. Calvin gets a C and does the same. Suzie asks him why he is so happy with an average grade and Calvin explains that life is a lot easier when you keep everyone's expectations low. The strip is much funnier, but google wasn't designed to search for text in a comic image.
I have been accused over the last few days of negative thinking. Whilst over the last few days that's probably been correct, I'm not entirely sure (irrational) positive thinking is the correct answer for everyone. Sure it works for some people, and those people who are the great sportsman and businessman and whatnots all did it with an unfailing belief they they would always succeed. And they do.
However that's not me. I work better with smaller more realistic goals. I simply don't "big up" myself. Some people do, but I'm far more comfortable picking goals I know are achievable. If this means I go down a green slope not a red one then that's fine by me. I don't need the blunder and bluster to say I can handle anything. Sure this might not always push or stretch myself as much, but their is a lot to be said for gaining confidence on the green slope rather than loosing it on the red slope.
The trick is to be able to tell the difference between this is not an achievable goal for me and this is a goal I'm afraid of failing. For some people there is nothing they are afraid of failing and no such thing as a goal they can't archive. This isn't me. Some people are Calvins and some are Suzies.
I'm a Calvin. Interestingly most of my friends are Suzies.
1. Katherine
Maybe you are a Suzie for some things and a Calvin in others. Everyone has different boundaries. Some people even avoid the things they find more tricky completely so that they don’t have to be a Calvin in anything they attempt…
2. Katherine
Maybe you are a Suzie for some things and a Calvin in others. Everyone has different boundaries. Some people even avoid the things they find more tricky completely so that they don’t have to be a Calvin in anything they attempt…
3. Gordon
I think there is a world of difference from being negative and setting achievable goals. I’m frequently negative in my outlook (pessimistic) yet frequently set goals that will stretch me. This leads to me being stressed out and becoming increasingly negative.
But to say that negative thought goes hand in hand with setting goals seems wrong to me, if you are thinking negatively you won’t SET any goals, whether they are achievable or not, surely??
Me? I’m Hobbes - gimme a tuna sandwich, rub my tummy and let me lay in the sun and I’m a happy man.
4. nat
Not sure about your comic sketch, but your blog addresses two very different issues. The first is negative thinking - and the second is setting yourself unrealistic goals. You can often be accused of negative thinking but just to remind you - one of your friends tried to tell you to set yourself a certain goal for a 10k race last November. You got all uptight and argued that you were not doing it for anyone but yourself and didn’t want to be put under pressure (etc etc etc yawn). you then proceeded to train your arse off and beat the goal. Then you felt great. It wasn’t unrealistic, it was just your negative thinking. So perhaps they are linked after all……hum.
5. Adrian
Well for the race thing, I actually ended up setting my self 3 goals, or three levels.
The first goal was the minimum I wanted to achieve, under which I would be really disappointed in myself. The second goal was the one I pushed myself to try achieve, being a realistic goal. The third goal would be a nice target to get but not one I really thought I could do. Especially with all the injuries I picked up.
But I did work hard for it and surprisingly hit my 3rd and toughest goal. I was more surprised than anyone when I came in at 57m25s. (Interestingly I did the same for my second race, and was even more surprised when I hit my 3rd goal the second time).
However if I only had the third goal, I don’t think I would have archived it. I think the pressure and expectation would have worked against me.
The same way when boarding, the only person I was competing against is myself. If I try to compete and big up myself and push myself to hard I am more inclined to fail, than if I just keep slowly pushing at what I can do and pushing past it. As you are well aware throwing me down a red run beyond my skill cause me to absolutely fall apart, not rise to the challenge.
I agree I need to fix my negative thinking, but I’m not sure the “just think positive” approach is what is the solution. I also suffer from the problem of “when you are up to your neck in crocodiles it’s hard to remember you came to drain the swamp”. That is to say, when you are down in a pit of negative thinking, it’s hard to see anyway out, or any way of altering that mind set.
Sometimes you just have to go with small things you can control and hope you build up to change the big things you think you can’t control. However if you change the small things and the big things are still broken, what then?
6. Pete
There’s something important you should know about your three goals for the marathon. The first and second are identical.
7. Adrian
Fair point. Amended.
8. Jad
My take on it is that positive thinking and setting useful goals (one that doesn’t stretch you probably isn’t worth much ‘cos you’d probably meet it without any extra effort) is about confidence.
Being confident requires positive thinking and comes thru meeting goals that you perhaps didn’t expect to meet. Positive thinking and setting goals gives you confidence. Then things start happen for you.
Maybe your friends try to encourage you to set goals that they know will stretch you (and that they know are achievable by you) so that you can get into this optimistic loop and make things happen rather than letting them happen to you…