Before we went to the cool club in Cardiff we went to a shit club.
Ari and myself were let in, and we to the bar to get drinks, while Dewi and Craig where held back in the queue. While we were at the bar, I was ordering four drinks expecting Craig and Dewi in shortly. A cute girl next to me smiled and said
So you going to get us some drinks too?
My brain said "No, don't be a sucker". My mouth said "Sure, what are you drinking". I ordered the two extra vodka and diet cokes and Craig and Dewi arrived as I handed them over to the girls. The expression on their faces changed rapidly from "Well done chap" to "You sucker", as they watched the girls disappear with pretty much just a "Thanks".
Now, I knew I was being suckered from the minute they asked for the drinks. I knew this because I get suckered often. I've been told off by my friends [Hi Ross] before, for being too easy.
I accept all of that.
I just find it somewhat disillusioning that girls would be that ... I don't know shallow is not the right word ... rude? I think there is some sort of hidden contract, that I buy you a drink and you chat to me for a bit? Something. I'm sure that was how it worked in my parents day. I know it worked like that when I was at uni ('93-'96).
Actually this is one of the reasons I like strip joints. You know what the contract is. Cute girl comes and talks to you, chats a while. She then strips, and you pay her. While she is chatting to you, she makes you feel good, she's friendly and pleasant and all those things these girls were not. I know it's all superficial in a strip joint, but at least I know what the deal is, and I don't actually feel like a sucker. Everyone knows the deal.
Strange how a stripper can make you feel normal, yet normal girls can make you feel used.
1. Francesca
Pretty cynical behaviour on the part of the girls, but probably no more so than a bloke being mercenary about a one-night stand.
Trouble is, those who just want to have a good time and meet a few new people are stranded in the middle of the two extremes.
2. Lori
Evil women. Silly Sevitz. You need to find your inner child and, when a girl asks again, just say why and keep asking until you get a satisfactory answer. I totally agree with your comments about strippers being more honest. Not that I’ve ever been to a strip joint but I’d like to.
3. Destructor
Couple of thoughts:
If you want to think of it as an ‘exchange of goods’, do you pay your hairdresser before or after they cut your hair? Next time you’re in that situation, flirt FIRST, then buy a drink based on the quality of flirtation. There’s a dozen flirty ways to respond to “Are you going to buy us a drink?” (top of my head: “I don’t know, I wouldn’t want you to think I was trying to get you drunk.” with a smile)
However, that’s staying inside the somewhat warped mindset that this is all a contractual situation. My flatmates used to hit the town without a pound between them, knowing that men would provide any drinks or funds necessary throughout the night. If men are stupid enough to do it, power to them.
The thought of paying someone to pretend to like me makes me feel quite queasy. I’ve bought many strangers many drinks, sometimes to have them walk away, sometimes to have them become good friends, but I never bought someone a drink ‘expecting’ something in return, and I don’t think you should, either.
4. Raspil
if a girl you don’t know comes up and asks you to buy her a drink, do it only if she blows you first. make her earn that vodka and diet coke!!!
5. Gordon
Having now been to a lapdancing bar I can see your point.
However I’m with Destructor, you’ve gotta earn a drink from me, although I have to admit that being married DOES have advantages.
“You gonna buy me a drink?” “No thanks love, I can do better than you…”
(I’d never really say that but have been tempted to!!)
Anyway, don’t feel bad about it, if that’s who you are don’t change it either. I mean if you do then it’ll BE that’s the mug in the bar buying the drinks instead of you!! ;-)
6. zed
i despise women who sponge off men like that.
silly sevitz.
7. Roger
You were in Cardiff - what did you expect?!?
8. Em
I normally work on the premise that if you’re expecting someone to buy you a drink, you should return the favour. Its common courtesy.
9. Daisy
Maybe I’m having a temporary sense of humour lapse here but wtf has being in Cardiff go to do with it Roger?
10. Roger
Oh, I was just trolling a little - must have been late or something. I was basically saying I’ve been to Cardiff, and the clubs are full of slappers! ;-)
11. Daisy
And I was having a bad day, I don’t normally react to trolls ;-)
12. Kevin
I’ve been taken by the ladies on many occasions. Unfortunately, sometimes substantially more was at stake than a drink.
13. Dragon
Gordon,
I’ve said that - it was most satisfying!
14. Joe
The one disappointing fact about this is that you were in Cardiff and didn’t buy me a vodka and diet coke! I would have stayed for a chat. Did keep an eye out for you whilst watching the coverage at the Stadium. Hopefully, next time you come to Wales, not only will we equal our Irish colleagues in the result, but I will show you where the REALLY good clubs are!
15. Vanessa
Using people isn’t a girl trait, it’s a human trait. Plenty of social transactions seem more honest if paid for, but it’s a pretty sad and cynical worl you end up with when your therapist is your only honest friend.
Also: They suckered you, and you agreed to be suckered. Why is it the fault of ‘girls’, and not those two cynical individuals who did to you what you fully expected them to do?
16. Adrian
Vanessa, I never said that was a girl trait.
They did sucker me. I never agreed to be suckered, although I did expect it. The girls were rude, and just because I had thought they might prove me wrong, doesn’t put the fault in my lap.
17. Vanessa
Okay, point taken about not blaming all girls - perhaps it was reading the comments that made me leap to that conclusion. Sorry!
My first point stands, though. Plenty of social and emotional transactions gain clarity through being paid for - but to follow that to its conclusion is the opposite of what we tend to assume is happiness, however.