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I don’t think you’re going through a midlife crisis. I think you’re understandably upset over a crappy situation at work and that you very much need a holiday. As I said yesterday, if your job is making you this unhappy then you need to be proactive and sort things out, and talking to your contacts and your careers advisor is an excellent start. You just need to get up in the morning and decide that you’re not going to let your job and lack of recognition of your talents get you down. But thats easier said than done.

You’re a fantastic person, and I know that none of your friends think any less of you for not getting promoted, its just a case of telling yourself the same thing.

Chin up chief.

Well that all sounds very rational and well thought out.

You are taking steps to tackle the situation, best of luck with them, and you recognise/know who you are and what you need.

I know it’s a hard time, but it’s just a dip. Being able to write a post like that tells me that you are more in control of this than you think.

And I totally agree about the institutionalisation aspect. 5 years at my current employer and I should’ve gotten out last year.

Just keep thinking/writing/talking and you’ll get through this. It’s obvious you have many good friends who can help, and loads of people who can listen (you know where I am … etc etc). I know from experience that just talking about this stuff will help, so don’t stop.

Jose - your comments are very right on the spot. Adrian - as long as you’re doing something about it, and not just hoping people will notice your professionalism, then you’re on the right track - even if it fails a few times.

By the way, I know you - you’re a genius and a hard worker. Neither of these are important criteria for getting a promotion. Seeming like you are both of these, is, though.

If you get angry and consider yourself a failure, realize a) What you can change b) What is not your fault, and is a fault in other people’s (unfairly, mistaken, small-minded) point of view. You need to address these ones most urgently, without being blatant

As usual - these are my opinion based on many occurrences I’ve seen that worked - take it or leave it. And most of all - cheer up - I can guarantee that your boss doesn’t beat himself up emotionally about passing you over for a promotion. Work is work - emotion is reserved for your personal life.

Apart from the fact that you’re not old enough to have a mid-life crisis (in my opinion), the Harley/tattoo idea is a definite goer. Do it now before you change your mind. And a grow a beard!

I used to be very arrogant and cocky and aggressive and ambitious work wise… I want that back again. I want to do good work again. I want to be successful.

Hold that thought.

Was going to reply to Friday’s post, but everyone seemed to have said most of what I would’ve (Karen’s comment in particular).

IMLE, the bigger the company, the more your progress depends on politics rather than actual talent. Luckily I only experienced this a little, when I was at Microsoft, and the rest of the time I’ve worked for small (

I can’t really add anything that the others haven’t already added, but my advice is get out of a large company. If you want recognition and expect promotions to be based on performance you won’t often find that in a big corporate beast. Please, no tats and Harley’s mid-life crises’(es) are so passe!

i couldn’t add to friday’s post as everything had been said, and i think that in these comments, jose and gordon have said what i would have done.

from what i have seen (as a 41 year-old bint), being cocky and arrogant do not hold out well in the long run, but wanting to do good work again and to be successful are excellent starting blocks.

good luck, adrain.

Sorry to hear about the work situation. Well, I have been passed up for promotion so many times since becoming a mother - I have forgotten what it feels like when it hurts. I made peace with the fact that the job had other pluses that worked for me - like Flexi time, the odd perk and increases that beat inflation. The older I have got the more being happy 8 hrs a day is more important than being promoted - and I am really happy with what I do and being promoted would change all that. And as long as I get paid decently for becoming an expert in my field - that’s fine. However, if none of that counts for you then you cannot allow yourself to put yourself thru this once again. You are definitely at crossroads and perhaps it is time to get out of your comfort zone and move on.

You are in my thoughts Stace

Adrian,

There’s only one person I’m in a position to promote within my organisation, and I never, ever would. The reason: she is absolutely fantastic at what she does. I can think of no reason that would justify having her spend time doing any other role.

I was on an ‘accelerated promotion scheme’ in my previous job. Having done it, I don’t consider promotion equivalent to success, or job satisfaction.

I’m sorry you’re hurting. You’ve had the insight to mention that work is a big part of how you see yourself (read: self-esteem). Don’t let your self-esteem be centered in something that other people, or just bad luck, can take away from you.

Fondly.

For cocky and arrogant you could read confidant.

Then say confident. The next guy I come across who thinks that the way to succeed in business is to be a big asshole is gonna get a smack in the teeth. The best managers I’ve ever encountered are good people, who are trying to get the job done as best they can, and have defined lines that can’t be crossed. The worst ones are pricks who get off on the limited power thier position entails them. I take great pleasure in the realization they probably have crappy personal lives.

d

I side with Matthew. Please buy a Harley - I will be very happy to share your mid-life crisis with you. Tattoo is optional, but as long as it’s discreet we will still go out with you when you visit NY. Don’t even think about a beard.

I think the new attitude is good - midlife crisis or not. Trust me - when you are outside your current company earning more money, working less hours and doing great work with fun people, then you will wonder what all the fear and trepidation was…..and why you didn’t do it sooner.

Well, give cocky and arrogant a go, but don’t be suprised if some people read it as: “This guy is an asshole who is going to be trouble to work with.” I’ve seen dozens of people quickly shuffled off Jupiter Project for precisely that reason- not that they couldn’t do their job, but that they would be unpleasant to work with.

d

i’m with destructor on this one. i’ve worked with too many ‘cocky and arrogant’ people in my life and they made my working day a misery. the only way they succeeded was by leaving.

sorry adrian - i posted at the same time as you - more or less.

What’s an asshat?

Just to clarify, I’m not advocating that Adrian become an arrogant tosser, but then I don’t think that’s a serious risk, because he isn’t that kind of bloke. I understood his original meaning to be that he used to have more self-confidence and self-belief, and he would like to recapture that spirit.

Nonetheless, it is often the arrogant and cocky who get promoted, because it is the people who shout the loudest who get heard. He has to work bloody hard to get ahead of these people, if he’s going to do it without making anyone around him aware of his abilities and his achievements.

If it’s any consolation, I’m going through the same dullness, tiredness, frustration and the oy vey-ness of life myself. Not to mention finding out via a blog (soooo millennial!) that someone else got the promotion I was actively seeking.

Let me know if you arrive at a solution of coping. Alcohol doesn’t seem to do the trick.

I think you know me well enough to know what kind of confidence I want to have and not that I wan’t to be an asshat who is unpleasant to work with.

That’s true, and of course I know you’ll never be an asshat to me, (and if you ever were, you’ve stored up enough goodwill with me to put up with at least a year of solid asshattery) but you’ve also often said that ‘nice guys finish last’, and I’m fighting a constant battle against that attitude despite reality’s constant reminders that it’s true.

d

Sorry man.

Your job - as in, the company - has sucked for years. I personally recommend change, but I know it’s not for everyone. There are things in the air right now… a lot of disatisfaction, “where am I?” and new things. Get in there and be the master of your own destiny. And stuff.

1. Your counsellor(s) should have been sacked for underperforming (unless the one you’re referring to is a new one)
2. Don’t leave without figuring out the optimal financial path for you in advance (no point in not taking advantage as that’s all the firm seems to have done to you)
3. If you weren’t good, you’d have been made redundant when they had the chance.

I’ve found the crying works much better than the dinners in the short-term, so don’t worry about it.