Two people I know of mine where talking yesterday when it arose that one was recently married to an arranged marriage. This didn't surprise me as different cultures have different way of doing things, and although that wouldn't work for me I understand it and don't have any issues with it. Not long ago, this was quite normal for my culture and I would have had a marriage arranged by a shadkhan.
What did surprise me was the one persons reaction. She said this was a fantastic idea and she should have an arranged marriage. Then she could be married and start having kids by 28. I think she is 26. I know she was only joking about the arrange marriage, but she wasn't joking about wanting to be married and popping sprogs by 28. Now the idea of having a girlfriend isn't one that bothers me. But I don't want to get married, per say. When I meet the right girl this will all happen in its own time. And kids will happen if/when they happen.
It's possible this is different for girls, but I don't get this urgent desire to tie the knot and have kids. Especially in your twenties. It does however explain a lot about this girls dating life. She is what a call a "Serial Binge Dater". She always has a guy on the go, or if she doesn't she is unhappy about it. And she always goes for guys who are wrong for her. It is also interesting to note that she has friends engagements just about every week, and is very active at her church. Their is quite a high correlation between being fairly involved religiously and wanting to get married and have kids. In all religions.
1. LisaB
Keeping in mind, of course, that you can still produce kids when you are 80 but it starts getting risky for women over 35-40. Hence women who want kids (i.e. not me) would be under more pressure to get settled than you.
2. Susan
Girls definitely seem to be wired differently. Personally I never had the incessant alarm buzzing in my background and I’m glad for that.
3. Adrian
LisaB, Although that is true, we start shooting more blanks the older we get. And I understand the pressure, to have kids as you get older. But at 26 you certainly don’t need to be adding this extra pressure especially putting it on yourself. I have no problem with people wanting kids. Rushing things though I don’t think is good.
4. Alli
Personally I have never felt the urge to run off and get married. I know quite a few people who have had arranged marriages who say that it’s for the best, and that at 31, I am considered to be an old maid in their society. Still never been enough of a reason for me to run out and marry the first bloke that comes along. Just live your life as you see fit….and do what you want to as it comes along.
5. Green Fairy
If it’s different for girls it’s because we’re all brainwashed into thinking we’ll be nothing but useless, dried up old hags if we’re not married and breeding by at least thirty five - remember, a woman who can enjoy life without a man or children is unnatural and wrong.
6. Sara
I myself would like to have kids before I hit 35. I don’t want to be an older mother. But if I do not have children before that age, then I’m not worried about it. I’m just enjoying the life I have now without being tied down.
7. Raspil
I was never told to get married and have kids by a certain age. Thanks, Mom. She taught me I was more than a vessel from which other humans eject. She’s a smart lady.
8. mozzer
i went through all your photo albums. i never realize how beautiful a country sa truly is. ross is a handsome lad.
put more pictures up. can’t wait to see where you go next. cheers.
9. Destructor
I’ve got a lot of female friends and I can often hear thier biological clocks ticking. You think it’s a metaphor, but really, you can actually hear them ticking!
No not really, but certainly a lot of my female friends, who are mostly my age, say they have a strong desire to reproduce before they hit 30, and they get very clucky over babies and puppies. I can see that. Certainly I’d rather not be 50 when my child is only 15.
But each to thier own. I personally think arranged marriages are a terrible idea! I can hardly imagine anything worse than having to spend the rest of my life with someone I didn’t choose.
d
10. Adrian
Arranged marriages is a different culture and mindset. You only see it as someone you didn’t choice because you are viewing it with a western mind.
11. Destructor
True Dat. Thank God I’m western, I guess.
Time for a new poll
-arranged marriages, for or against?
-what do you consider your age limit for punching out a few sprogs?
-do you want to arrange a marriage and punch out a few sprogs with Dan?
….and so on and so forth…..
d
12. ?
What’s a sprog?
13. Adrian
English term for small child
14. LisaB
Adrian, I agree completely - it makes no sense to rush off and get married just to pop out a kid in response to some biological yearning. Life is hard enough without all that added stress.
I got the same lesson from my mom as Raspil did, thank goodness! =)
15. Gert
I have seen a lot of women, pushed by a natural biological urge to reproduce, get into marriages that are doomed to failure. It has a certain sad irony, because it’s not generally a positive thing for the children when the parents’ relationship finishes.
I’m conscious that I’m generalising, and any individual reader may say “That’s not me”. However, as a dried up old hag of 35 I will say that I have seen plenty of people, male and female, uninterested in marriage and children in their twenties, but changing as they get into their thirties.
I would also say that these are the people who are mature enough when young t realise that they are ‘not ready’ bu twhen they ‘are ready’ are, arguably, more likely to see the marriage/stable relationship thing as being for life, and also more likely to have the wisdom to raise children properly.
16. Kevin
It’s not marriage that worries me much, it’s kids. They’re too demanding on time and money. Plus, I’ve seen what’s happened to other people. My roommate brought over this kid (4-5 years old) today. He’s a whiney maniac. I’ve never seen that bad, and I have a huge family. Note to self: must keep condoms ready. I wish there were more women like you guys who can be fine without kids.
17. Raspil
I personally know that I don’t have a quote-biological clock-endquote. The whole idea of spawning or that people want to and continue to do it regardless absolutely baffles and confuses me. Like Kevin said, the expense is a factor (and I think you’re lying if you say it isn’t). And you’re not dried up at 35, I don’t believe that, either. You can be as radiant and vibrant as you want as long as you want — don’t let a number drive you to it. I would hate to think “life is over if I’m 35 and I don’t have kids” — in fact, I am incapable of thinking that. You’re worth more than that, ladies. When I read in Time magazine last year that a woman’s chance to conceive starts falling significantly after 27, I raised a glass on my 28th birthday and smiled, thinking “thank god, it’s the beginning of the end.” And on the completely off chance I would want kids, I would adopt. A kid doesn’t need my DNA for me to be able to raise it. There are enough unwanted kids out there already, I don’t need to bring one into the world.
18. LisaB
Ditto everything Raspil said.