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I used to say that my problem is I am too weird for the normal girls and too normal for the weird girls. This still seems to stand true. Date 1 she was too normal for me. Date 2, she was too weird artsy similar to my ex. It not that she was actually weird. There where just some obvious differences that I could see would swing things into the “probably just not going to happen” category.

And there was no big spark. We talked and chatted and had a good evening, and where probably more compatible than date 1 but their just wasn’t that spark. Never mind big spark, there needs to be some sort of spark to start the fire later on. And although she was a very nice girl that raw something wasn’t their. Whether it is sexual, or emotional, or intellectual or whatever, there needs to be something there. There was something with Lexy that attracted me to her even though I could never figure out what exactly was. And even though it wasn’t a big fire on the first meeting, there must have been some spark. However as I type that I get confused. Was there really? Can I remember? Or did that only arrive after a few meetings and events?

However aside from pyrotechnic issues, their where other things that indicated to me we probably wouldn’t match, and although they probably sound not all that important, they are very similar to some traits of my ex’s and I know these are things which don’t work. And I am not saying these things would never work, but without some sort of other chemistry, there is not enough of a compatibility there. Maybe a few years ago I wouldn’t have minded as much. In fact I didn’t, and as a result Leora introduced to me many things (like Jazz) but this is not a few years ago and things are different.

She likes her flea markets. I like my shops. It may sound like a small irrelevant stupid thing, but it goes to a lot of someone’s personality. Mine included. I never was a markets person. Ever. I don’t like second hand clothing. I don’t like buying things in a market atmosphere. It’s just not me. I like shopping in shops. At my pace in my comfort. I am not a slave to fashion, but I like to buy nice clothes and I like to look good. It’s just a small difference, but can be part of a fundamental way I look things as to the way she did.

And any personality trait in isolation is no big deal. But it was that combined with several other probably equally minor and silly things that in combination becomes more than just silly little differences and says we probably not that compatible. That and one of the differences was the single biggest problem Leora and I had, which eventually led to us parting ways and not speaking for almost three years. And although I have grown to deal with this issue much better, it’s just too big a thing and too similar to Leora for me to know it would work.

Who knows? As I said before either I am astute enough to know what is not going to work, or I am being foolish and not giving things a chance. But my gut feel says, “ain’t going to happen”. Normally my gut is pretty accurate.

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    This page contains a single entry by Adrian published on October 8, 2002 2:07 PM.

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