As you can see from the webcam I am blogging from my flat. Got the day off to move. The bed is in. The satellite TV is in. I am just waiting for the TV and HI-FI. Spent my last night in hell last night. Had weird dreams about trying to chat up the cute girl I saw getting post for one of the third floor flats when moving boxes in last night. I guess I am that desperate :-) . At least that was better than the dream I had the bight before about pushing my tooth out with my tongue and then not being able to get it back in. I guess I am that weird too. James helped me move all my stuff from hell (Franck's flat) last night. For which I am extremely grateful. He turned a 5 hour effort into a 2 hour effort. Anyway need to go and unpack stuff.
Man I am finished. I am totally exhausted. I have been given a lot more responsibility in my team. Basically it goes like this. If I donâ€™t fuck up and do a good job over the next few months I might actually get promoted in September. So the pressure is on. Which means I need to work harder, and spend less time on the net during the work day. Which means less blogs as you probably would have seen, less emails, less chats, less reading blogs, less reading rugby pages and more work work work work work. An in case you didn't get that, I need to work harder too. Which is all good, I just need to learn to discipline myself. Which I am not very good at. Hopefully this will all be a little bit easier when I am in the new flat and more settled. And new flat will save my half an hour commute per day. But basically this is my chance to shine and finally prove myself. I should be happy about it, and I am, but I am also nervous that this is the point where I realise I am not as good as I thought I was and I crumble. Maybe a bit of fear is healthy. Had a meeting this afternoon that was strenuous. And I have more stuff to do than time to do it.
Jess had this geek hierarchy thing linked on her site. So I ticked the boxes that applied to me. Guess I am not as geeky as I thought.
I went to see a brilliant play (if you can call it a play) last night called The Vagina Monologues. Hard to describe it, but was very well done, very funny and very moving. The audience was about 90% female, and the girls definitely laughed more than the guys. I mean it was really funny as a guy, but you got the feeling that the girls KNEW where the guys just found it funny. Except for one or two points where the guys definitely laughed louder. Like the bit where the one girl was talking about moaning and how most guys get distracted and loose the ability to ... well just loose it really. It is really worth seeing and I would recommend to anyone and everyone that they go see it. If you are a guy, take a girl friend who you can go with. If you are a girl take some mates. It really is worth seeing. And one of the females doing the monologues was Caprice who was stunning. Absolutely gorgeous. She should be a model or something. Well worth seeing and a much needed break.
I always used to say that 20 years ago people had a midlife crisis in their 40's, and 10 years a go they had them in their 30's and now we are having them in our 20's. Well this email a friend just sent to me pretty much describes that. Its pretty accurate on the stress that I definitely find myself going through as do many of my friends. I guess thatâ€™s what growing up is all about.
- It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may or may not like.
- You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.
- You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones.
- What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.
- You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared.
- You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all.
- You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want.
- Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not.
- You are insecure and then secure.
- You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life.
- You feel alone and scared and confused.
- Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.
- You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better.
- You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person.
- One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.
- You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.
- You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd justlike to be a contender!
- What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.
Life is very hectic at the moment. So my blogs will be blips for a short while. Just quickies (at least I am getting a quickie somewhere) with little updates.
Weekend in short wasn't that great as a result of too little sleep. Spent 4 hours with my interior designer at Heals on Saturday and have done about half the main room and curtains in the main and bedrooms. That was probably the highlight of the weekend. I got 8 hours sleep between Friday night and Saturday night and about 8 hours last night (feel better today than I did yesterday). Also have discovered that man cannot live on junk food for 2 months. Had New York style noodles last night which was very good..
Have seen the floor laid (but un-sanded and lacquered) but it looks amazing. Thursdays the big move. Can not wait. Ok blip over back to work for me.